The People Pleaser is someone who goes out of their way to make others happy and to make sure no one finds fault in them.
They will so easily give up everything at once to go and do whatever is asked.
But once the pleasing is done they are left in overwhelming amounts of emotions, feeling tired and wishing that for once someone can come and hear them out the way they do for others.
This is me.
Recovering As A People Pleaser
I am a recovering people pleaser. I won’t say I am fully healed because I’m not perfect and the habits of my old ways have urges to want to make others happy. And the kicker is, I’m giving up my happiness when I spread myself so thin for others.
I’ve put other people before my own family, I was too afraid to say no and I was deathly afraid of being disliked or worse, hated.
And all that almost cost me my family and the life I worked so hard to build. And would those others I tried my darndest to earn their love and acknowledgment care? Probably not.
This is what shook me to my core. I had to learn to protect my peace and make my life a priority.
And if you are on the same boat I was on, I want to help you do the same. This list is compiled of 20 ways you can deal with the need to please people all the time and get back to the life you want to live.
One of the first ways to protect our peace is to set boundaries for our lives. By having a firm set of boundaries we decide what is and what isn’t allowed in our lives.
And don’t be afraid to communicate these boundaries. It is a form of respecting ourselves.
It’s Okay To Say No
As a people pleaser, the common answer when asked to do something is “Yes!” Regardless if we want to or not.
Start saying NO to things you don’t want to do PERIOD. It may seem hard at first but the more we are firm with our boundaries the more we protect our peace.
Learn To Self-Love
Cultivating self-love isn’t selfish. Learn to love yourself as you would love others.
Start by practicing Self-Love in little ways every day and start to appreciate yourself more.
Start Putting Your Own Needs First
If you have a habit of dropping everything you do just to please someone, you aren’t taking care of your own needs first.
Like it was said earlier, you don’t have to say yes to everything that is asked of us. You have priorities and your own life to maintain.
If they can’t respect that then start asking yourself if it’s worth having that person around.
Let Go of The Control
Feeling the need to have to fix an issue that’s not yours for the sake of making someone else happy is trying to control the outcome of the situation.
The situation isn’t yours to fix. Simply, let it be.
Stop Caring of What Other People Think
As people-pleasers, this is one of the main reasons why we aim to please others.
Remind yourself that it’s none of our business what other people think of you. If we are wasting time feeling anxious about thinking people are talking about you, you aren’t focusing on what’s important for your life.
Just like practicing self-love, have a self-care routine for when you need something to help you realign with yourself.
It’s a great way to cultivate and re-focus on your needs.
If It Doesn’t Feel Right, Don’t Do It
Always listen to your gut. If you are asked to do something you immediately feel isn’t right, Do not do it.
Just say no without explanation.
You Don’t Have To Agree With Everyone
Everyone has their own opinions and we won’t agree with every opinion. If you are agreeing with someone’s opinions because you don’t want to anger them, you are going against what you believe.
An argument doesn’t need to happen, simply acknowledge their opinion, and keep standing with your own.
Take Time For Yourself
Sometimes you just need time for yourself. As a people pleaser, you can easily give away your energy to everyone.
Make time for yourself and make it a priority.
Focus On What You Want
It can be so easy to want someone else’s dreams, goals, and ambitions. Don’t let it drown out what you truly want for your life.
Start thinking about what kind of goals and dreams you want for yourself and what steps you are going to take to make that happen!
Attention All People Pleasers: Stop saying “I’m sorry” for every little thing.
You don’t have to apologize for little things that don’t need to be apologized for like missing a phone call. It can be a natural reaction but there are so many things you don’t have to apologize for.
Stay True To Yourself
We shouldn’t have to change who we are to fit in or make someone “like us more”. Always be yourself.
Have A Personal Space
Just like with taking time for yourself, create a personal space within your home where you can feel calm and relaxed.
When you’re overwhelmed, go to your personal space and regroup.
Take A Break
Here is your sign! Take a break from people when you need to. You don’t need to do everything with everyone when asked.
Simply say no and enjoy spending time doing things you love and want to do.
Focus On Progress Not Perfection
We may feel the need to be perfect because we don’t want others to know that we have flaws.
Instead of striving for perfection, focus on progress. The fact that you continue to work on the things that matter to you, is better than worrying about how good it is.
When we are caring too much about what other people think our minds can get wrapped up on what they may be feeling or their take on a situation.
Stop driving yourself crazy with the assumptions that may be coming up.
Don’t Take It Personal
“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It’s because of themselves.” – Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements.
Stand Up For Yourself
You don’t have to allow others to bring you down or talk about something you don’t like or believe in. Say something.
You aren’t someone that can be pushed around. You have the right to firmly put your foot down and let others know you don’t tolerate whatever it is they are doing or saying.
Lastly, it’s okay to let go of those who don’t respect your boundaries. Sometimes it’s just a lesson learned in life and if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
Protect your peace.
It can be a lot to let go of the need to constantly make others happy. But at what cost are you giving up your happiness?
Practice these 20 ways of protecting your peace and take it in stride.
YOUR life is important. Make it a priority and be unapologetic for living it.
How do you protect your peace as a People Pleaser? Let me know in the comments below.
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